How to Raise a Child to Not Have ‘Daddy Issues’

While the trope of a girl having ‘daddy issues’ isn’t a particularly pleasant one, there are some truths to the phrase.  And while using the term ‘daddy issues’ is, objectively, humiliating, unwarranted, and beneath the character befitting of a modern gentleman, the use of the word continues to plague many women and men.

And while we may not be able to effectively reduce its usage, we do believe that there are steps which can be taken to better assist children from having those issues.  That is why, below, we are going to review and discuss just how to raise a child to not have ‘daddy issues.’

What Are Daddy Issues?

Daddy issues, or a father complex in psychology, is an informal term generally utilized to refer to the trouble some individuals, particularly women, have in forming secure relationships in their adulthood years.  These troubles are generally stemmed based on early unhealthy connections, or a lack thereof, with their father.

And while the term is generally belittling and humiliating, it is not a condition listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).  However, the term has gained popularity in recent years, and has been widely utilized on social media platforms and entertainment mediums.

Generally, the concept of daddy issues is meant to reflect an individual’s ability to connect, either physically or emotionally, with another individual.  This inability is often associated with a lack of a father figure in an individual’s early developmental stages.

Why Are ‘Daddy Issues’ Problematic?

While, inherently, having ‘daddy issues’ isn’t an outwardly affecting issue, the source of such issues can create problematic situations in an individual’s adolescent years.  Daddy issues can cause difficulty in forming and fomenting both romantic and platonic relationships.

In addition, having ‘daddy issues’ can cause several levels of vulnerability.  With a lack of a well-established, trusted fatherly figure, many individuals may seek out and be attracted to unhealthy coping mechanisms.  Whether via relationships, drug or alcohol use, or low personal levels of self-esteem, these issues can manifest in a number of unhealthy ways.

Signs You May Have ‘Daddy Issues’

While having ‘daddy issues’ is a simple catchall, it is inherently difficult to concisely aggregate all the signs or ways an individual may have those issues.  However, there are a few telltale signs which can better help you to identify and manage those issues.

• Being solely attracted to older men – one of the telltale signs of an individual having daddy issues is their sole attraction to older men.  Older men are generally seen as more financially stable, they appear confident and secure, and appear to have an innate understanding of what to do.  And while being attracted to an older man is normal, craving the attention and affection of one may be an indication of an absence felt from the lack of a proper father figure.

• Being clingy, jealous, and overprotective – similarly, many individuals with daddy issues have an anxious attachment style.  This means that they inherently worry about their partner leaving them, leading them to be overly clingy, jealous, and overprotective of their partner.

• A consistent need for reassurance, love, and affection – in addition, for many individuals with daddy issues, the consistent need for reassurance, love, and affection is particularly strong.  For these individuals, the feelings of being unloved, unwanted, and unlovable lead to the need for consistent reassurance from their partner that they are, in fact, loved.

• A fear of being alone – and lastly, one of the telltale signs of having daddy issues is the fear of being alone.  Often stemming from an absent fatherly figure in one’s childhood, these individuals may bounce from relationship to relationship, looking for a partner no matter how unhealthy the relationship may be.

How to Solve Having ‘Daddy Issues’?

While having ‘daddy issues’ is a generally belittling term, the fact remains that there is a strong correlation between an absent father figure and attachment issues in an individuals’ adolescent years.  And if you believe that you have some forms of ‘daddy issues’, it is highly recommended that you seek advice and assistance from a trained medical professional.

Ideally, a trained and licensed therapist should be able to assist you in unpacking, understanding, and healing the wounds you may feel.  A licensed and qualified therapist will be able to assist you in understanding the roots of your issue and will be able to help guide you through those issues.

Best Ways to Raise a Child to Not Have ‘Daddy Issues’

While there are no guarantees that your child won’t have some form of ‘daddy issues’, there are definitely some actionable steps which you can take to help reduce the likelihood of your child being beleaguered by the issue. 

And, again, while the term ‘daddy issues’ is a belittling one, there remains a strong correlation between an absent father and an individual having difficult attachment issues in their adolescent years.

• Just Be There – perhaps the most obvious and simple way to help reduce the likelihood of your child having ‘daddy issues’ is to simply be there.  As a father, you should make a conscious effort to spend quality time with your child on a daily basis.  From playing board games to watching a film together to planning simple hiking excursions together.  By being there and being present, you will help your child to feel more secure and loved in their daily life.

• Tell Them You Love Them – often an individual with ‘daddy issues’ feels both unloved and unlovable in the eyes of others.  And while all individuals are lovable, the issue and feeling of being unloved can stem from feeling as such in their younger years.  As such, as a father, you should frequently, consistently, and daily express your love to your child.  A simple, “I love you”, is often enough to reassure a child of their love and worth in this world.

• Love Their Mother – oftentimes, particularly when it comes to raising daughters, a girl will come to expect the same treatment from her future partner as the one she witnessed from her father to her mother.  As such, in order to create healthy expectations, always show her mother love, support, and care.  And while, inevitably, you may find yourself disagreeing with your partner, be sure to disagree away from your children and to do so privately.

• Tell Them They’re Beautiful – similarly, and particularly in this day-and-age of social media and unrealistic beauty expectations, be sure to remind your kids just how beautiful they really are.  Do it and say it often and make sure they remember just how beautiful they are inside and out.

• Instill Levels of Confidence in Them – in addition, be sure to raise your children with confidence and to be self-assured.  Confident children will grow up to be confident adults, adults who will be self-assured and who will inherently understand their own self-worth and image.

• Keep Your Promises – children often see the beauty and innocence of life and will take the words of their parents at face value.  Be sure to foster this innocence and beauty by keeping your promises and being a man of your word.  If you say you are going to do something, be sure to do it.

• Promote Healthy Activities – similarly, be sure to engage your children in healthy activities.  From swimming, to soccer, to basketball, these activities will help your child grow and develop both physically and mentally.

• Teach Them Healthy Boundaries – as a parent, it is sometimes natural to feel a distinction between yourself and your child.  And while parents often know more than their children, you should still allow your child to have their own level of independence.  One such way to do so is to teach them healthy boundaries and simply listen to them and their levels of comfort.

• Just Listen – and lastly, one of the best ways to raise a child to not have ‘daddy issues’ is to simply listen to them.  Allow them to express themselves, their fears and their hopes and their dreams.  Just being there and listening to them is a great way to encourage their growth and allow them to feel heard and seen.